A TOUCHING LUMPIA STORY
By admin | March 12, 2010
An elderly foreigner lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite food, Filipino Lumpia.
Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands he crawled to the kitchen.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. For there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite food, LUMPIA .
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Filipino wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture…his parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the lumpia was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on to a lumpia,
when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife:
“Git out op here!” she shouted. “dis are por your puneral !”
INTERNET RUMOR
By admin | March 12, 2010
DEPRESS – NAGKASAL SA PERSUADING
PERSUADING – UNANG WEDDING
DEBUG – ANG IPIS
DEFRAG – ANG PALAKA
DEVALUE – LETTER PAGKATAPOS NG “V”
PUNCTUATION – PERA PANG ENROLL
ASPECT – PANUSOK / PANDUROG NG YELO
STATUE – “IKAW BA YAN?’
CATTLE – TILAHAN NG HALI AT LEYNA
DEVASTATION – ANG SAKAYAN NG BUS
CONTEMPLATE – NOT ENOUGH PINGGAN
Divorce Letter
By admin | March 12, 2010
Dear wife:
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
Despite all of thse, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl(man)……… I hope that’s not a problem !
New Oxford dictionary
By admin | March 12, 2010
Did you know that the Oxford Dictionary updated the definition of the the following words?
Why not read on ——————
* Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
* Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
* Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”
* Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
* Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest Piece.
* Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
* Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
* Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
* Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
* Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
* Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
* Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
* Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
* Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
* Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
* Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
* Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
* Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
* Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
* Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway, “See I am not injured yet.”
* Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
* Father : A banker provided by nature.
* Criminal : A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.
* Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
* Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
* Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
How she knows
By admin | March 12, 2010
A little girl and her mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, “Mommy, How old are you?”
The mother responded, “Honey, women don’t talk about their age. You’ll learn this as you get older.”
The girl then asked, “Mommy, how much do you weigh?”
Her mother responded again, “That’s another thing women don’t talk about. You’ll learn this, too, as you grow up.”
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, “Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?”
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, “Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don’t want to talk about it now.”
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend’s house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother’s conversation.
The girlfriend said, “All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother’s driver’s license. It’s just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything.”
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.
The little girl started off with, “Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You’re 32 years old.”
The mother was very shocked. She asked, “Sweetheart, how do you know that?”
The little girl shrugged and said, “I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds.”
“Where did you learn that?”
The little girl said, “I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an ‘F’ in sex.”
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